Zen…

If you haven’t seen the movie “Sex/ Life” on Netflix, you probably won’t understand why I said so.

“Sex/ Life” had been on my list of movie series to binge watch on Netflix, except I always scroll past it thinking it’s another sex movie ( Actually it is, and I don’t have problems with that! I just felt there can’t be anything really special about it)

One evening on my Snapchat, a close friend of mine posted a scribbled sentence on his story.

It read “I’m undeniably obsessed with your wife” and that got me.

I don’t know why… maybe it had something to do with me and sex, and sex topics.

Then I replied with laugh and moon emojis, thinking it’s some trend or thread from Twitter.

My friend asked me “Have you seen sex life?” Me still being clueless, answered “lol, yeah I mean people and their crazy sexual lifestyles …”

He texted back – lol, I meant the movie Sex /Life, it’s on Netflix. It’s really deeper than most people think, you should check it out it’s definitely the kinda stuff you are going to love.

Okay, I went back to my Netflix list…. You already know where this is going.
Sex/Life is by far the most sensual … (I’m thinking of all the right words) movie I’ve seen this year. No cap.

Someone said it has the balls and I totally agree!

Now don’t get me wrong, not the hot steamy sex in different corners of the city – from a swimming pool, to a balcony, to a railway… yes a railway!

We’ll probably get to that, I’m talking about the depth of the movie.

This movie got what most women especially the married ones don’t want to talk about.

Sex and relationships, sex in relationships, challenges of motherhood… sexual life after being married more like after giving birth to kids. Communication in relationships.

Love and sex do they go hand in hand? When you get “dickmatized” ( not in the dictionary, just a term for when the D really get to you) do you know? Can you tell you’re not in love it’s just the sex?

You know when you’re married and then your blissful honey moon, fast forward to after your second or third baby, and your sex life is dead -dead…

There’s just so much to talk about in the movie.

When Billie a nursing mum began to feel lonely and bored in her husband’s mansion, she started writing on her laptop (journal) about all the experiences she used to have with her ex boyfriend “Brad”.

Not only did she write in clear explicit details, she also fantasized about having sex several times with him.

Then her husband read the story. Yeah, you already know what’s up.
His ego was bruised, they stopped communicating with each other in such a way it affected the entire family.

The man continued reading her journal secretly and then he tries to meet up with her ex boyfriend’s sex standards.

He tried all the angles and positions and scenarios and he failed. Every single time!

Even I who didn’t experience the sex with Brad know the husband can’t even compete.

Now don’t get me wrong. The husband is not bad in bed, he’s just not Brad!

He goes to his busy office work and comes home late with goodies to make up for the time he couldn’t be with his family and end the day with a “I want to ease or jerk off the stress” kind of sex with a wife whose drive is as high as a 120v flood light!

I mean, given the experience she has plus the husband never knew that aspect of her until he read that journal.

And I’m asking, should our men know about our sexual past ? Does it matter?

I think not, but I think it’s most appropriate to communicate when you feel you want some kind of change in any area of your relationship with your partner.

Billie never mentioned she’s always left unsatisfied in bed, because she didn’t want to seem demanding of the man that gives her literally everything she wants – almost everything.

The husband was the typical “good and perfect husband” every single woman wants to get married to. He’s loving, caring, sweet and wealthy, a good father too…

and Brad? Brad is the “sexy boyfriend” and partner every woman wants in her bed.

He has the spice, he brings the rush… he gives you that much thrill which is so unreal. And women want to feel like Billie or want their men to make them feel like Billie the way Brad makes Billie feel every second of the day.

Except Brad had problems with commitment given the kinda past relationship he had with his dad who left home…

Billie’s fantasies amidst the conflict with her husband grew and she was in between – I want to know what happened many years ago, why we couldn’t be together, if it’s still possible now even with everything going on and the fact that her home is about to be thrown apart by those unruly desires.

Viewers might want to say, Billie is one greedy bitch. Who wants to have it all except it’s impossible. I say, she’s a woman who dares to dream.

Sex is a lot deeper than what most people think it is. Especially with special kinda people, people you can’t easily forget.

Not usually because you’re in love with them, it’s just something about them or the part of them that’ll always remain with you.

Sometimes I wonder if this is the same reason why women are advised to stay virgins till marriage.
Because no one would do the things Brad and Billie did or have what they had and totally forget about it especially when your husband is not like Brad in bed.

But then, what if you stayed a virgin till marriage and somehow outside marriage you get to experience someone like Brad and your husband can’t compare to him?

I’m just saying, “men can’t possibly think they’re the only ones with the urge to cheat. Some women don’t act on it because they just don’t want to”

Brad adored Billie sexually and otherwise. Isn’t that what most women want?

Her husband is madly in love with her which is also why he always even after knowing everything about her past, still wants to fix their marriage- mind you many women are waiting for him to say “oh I’m done with Billie I’ve been so good to her and I deserve much better” (honestly I’d not argue).

This Billie’s sexual life with Brad in the movie kinda showed one time or one of the few times women are not objectified.

It raised the questions of monogamy- should a husband keep another partner outside marriage?

Should a wife have a lover outside marriage? Is there really an excuse for cheating?

It came to a part where Brad wanted to take Billie back cause he still wants her (and it didn’t matter if he had to also take care of her kids) and the husband also began to think maybe he should give his caring, sexy boss -a chance, even though he doesn’t love her.

Maybe she’s the right one for him.

It really highlighted the situation of – it’s okay to want more and that you can still spice up your marriage.

You must continue to cultivate the spark that brought you together with your partner. If you let it die, it’d take a lot to fix any damaged heart or situation.

Parenting, is a part of the normal process of a marriage relationship. Just as making sure your sexual life (plus romance) is active.

Giving birth to children doesn’t mean you’re old and out of shape so you should just be a mum or a sex deprived nun, you can also be a hot mum and still make your man all nuts about you.

It’s a matter of decision, creativity, practice and small efforts.

Billie wants a man who can give her the security her husband provides and the thrill or rush that comes with Brad. To her, there’s nothing too late in life while you’re still living.

People would say it’s just a movie. Truth is, it’s more realistic that – when you observe the things happening in homes, you’ll probably understand.

A lasting Marriage is more about tolerance and commitment than just love and money.

The key takeaway from all these is the importance of communication. As it is the bedrock of every relationship.

The moment it’s dead or the both parties start to feel like “oh he’s supposed to understand” “oh she’s supposed to feel me” “oh she’s meant to read the lines…” then a lot will start to go wrong and before you know it, things have fallen apart in several pieces that cannot be fixed.

If your partner is not touching you, say something. He’s not doing it right? Express your feelings. Explore yourself sometimes and find out where and what works for you.

Women’s bodies are different, so sometimes they just don’t have the drive to keep up with their partner’s sexual drive or they stop looking the part and stop looking attractive… the two parties or the person who is affected by the changes in the relationship should talk and try with a little effort to make things work.

If you really have to involve a third party, (a psychologist or therapist for example) then do it.

I believe two people who are really meant for each other will always work things out. It may take a while but in the end the efforts will be worth it.

If you haven’t watched the movie, you better go grab a popcorn and turn your AC to the coolest degree, it’s really steamy in there!

Have you watched the movie? What’s your take on the movie???