Zen…

Due to poor family backgrounds, bad parental upbringing or simply lack of proper orientation – some young women believe somehow that women should be symbols of something to “men” – whether it be sex, lust, property or more.

Their mindsets are wired in a certain type of way -they don’t know when they’re being abused, if they’re being abused and if it’s something anyone should act against.

They’re not sure they’re supposed to talk about it because they don’t want to be perceived as obnoxious and “overly reacting for a woman”.

There’s a popular saying: “women are to be seen and not heard.”

In this context, silence has caused way more harms than good. The negative outcome of silence has affected several aspects of women’s lives.

In some marriages, women succumb to rape.

Who would believe a wife can be raped by her husband or a girlfriend by her boyfriend?

Who would believe a father can rape his own daughter, or an uncle – his own niece?

Who would speak for the abused women who simply don’t want to have more babies or who had suffered bad pregnancies?

Marriage and other kinds of relationships which are supposed to be built on the basis of love, communication, tolerance and more importantly – healthy partnership, has become in some cases a subject to situations of dictatorship and slavery.

The society believes once you’re married to a man. He automatically owns your body and the decisions you make with it.

Women are constantly told what to do. How to act – how to behave at home of their husbands, how to cook, how to clean, how to speak … how to be “submissive”

No one taught them to be independent- to become assets instead of liabilities or poverty alleviation tools for marriages which may eventually become disasters.

No one is teaching these men how to treat a woman. How to love and respect a woman’s choice.

Some girls were even taught how to lay in bed. – in one specific manner.

Leading to boring sexual life. Hence one of the cracks in relationships. Bad sex can ruin a whole lot.

These girls believe they ought to remain virgins till marriage. Till they enter their husbands’ homes, they can’t speak of sex or do anything related to that.

Most young women know very little about sex, sex life and all that good stuff sex education is meant to really do for you.

Recently, I read an article. The story of a young lady whose mother took to the hospital to ensure her clit was removed and her vagina stitched till she gets married.

You can’t begin to imagine how horrible the entire process was.

On her first night with her husband. She was so scared of going through the same thing as she did many years ago.

The husband cared less. Not only did he forcefully open up the stitches, he invited his parents and two brothers to hold her at will.

She was in so much pain and the floor was stained with blood everywhere. He still had sex with her in that condition.

“It was nothing less than rape” according to her words.

Her mother said “it’s tradition, we ought to respect it. My mother did the same to me”

Women are told what to wear and what not to wear.

When a woman is objectified by an outsider in a public place, what other women and of course some men would say is – “look at how she’s dressed, why won’t a man approach her. She asked for it.”

Or if she got raped, the question would be – “ask her what she wore that day.”

What about the girls raped even while they were fully dressed?

What about tiny babies abused by beastly men?

So there is an excuse for rape? For abuse? For cheating men? For women objectification?

Sometimes I blame the men whose minds are wired to think that everything about a woman is made to please a man.

She dresses for men. She has a better job because she’s pretty or got big ass or boobs.

She’s this or that because a man is somewhere attached in the background.

Other times I blame the women who don’t know much about a “woman’s worth”

These women were taught by their mothers who knew only as much as they were taught and they grow up to pass on the same insufficient knowledge without trying to explore their own ideas.

They can’t open their minds to new things, new concepts. Because they’re too timid to accept changes.

They believe the ideas and traditions of the old are true and absolute.

Some of these women walk around with little or no self esteem, looking for men’s approval.

They don’t know they’re beautiful or believe they’re enough, unless a man tells them.

They don’t know how to act on their own cause they think without men, they can’t be women.

Feminism means a lot of things to a lot of people.

To me, It’s not a battle drawn by women against men. It’s not an avenue for women to extort men or show them we also got “muscles”.

It’s a movement. It’s meant to enlighten and empower women, so they can be enlightened to empower more generations of women.

Feminism discusses topics most women are afraid to talk about. It exposes things men think are insignificant, but has caused a great deal of pain to women.

I know a girl who happened to be in a public bus when a guy began to jerk off on her behind.

They were too many people in the bus so he took advantage of the moment.

She found out seconds later and stopped the bus to get off of it. She’s sixteen and when she told her friend, the friend was like “let’s go to the police it’s abuse.”

The girl said “it’s not a big deal, just that he ruined my cute jeans.”

The friend insisted and they went to a police station to make a report. Luckily, they got attended to by a good police woman and her husband.

But the girl stopped the whole process of finding the guy because she felt – it ain’t a big deal.

Days later, it started to traumatize her. She told no one.

Cause apparently – it would sound stupid.

So she never wore that denim pants again. It reminded her of the guy.

Anytime she decides to get on a bus, every guy in the bus starts to look like the guy who jerked off on her denim pants.

Out of fear, she’d walk miles to school. Until her friend and other female classmates figured.

When she confessed to other girls, they mentioned similar encounters – being groped for wearing revealing clothes, being stalked in the dark… many other instances.

They decided to get on the bus with her till end of school session.

The fear stopped eventually.

Those girls realized they could do more together as a team – rebuff these people, speak out loud, stand up for themselves, act crazily and physically defend themselves (pepper sprays and acquiring basic self defense skills).

Women ought to be respected as much as men are. Especially by men.

Women deserve their own freedom. Physically, mentally, sexually and otherwise.

If we can’t speak for ourselves first, we can’t for anyone.

Confidence comes from inside out.

One evening, I was buying fruits from my favorite fruit seller, a silly old man who seemed to be having a normal chat with the woman tried to grope me.

I jerk against him and shouted furiously at him.

If not for the woman who kept mouthing “he’s one of your lecturers don’t shout at him”

It wouldn’t have ended with just a shout.

If he had laid filthy hands on me, I’d have slapped a mess off his disgusting face.

I was so furious at the older women. She didn’t shout at him but me – cause I was trying to defend myself.

What excuse was it this time? He’s my lecturer. Not my dressing or anything else.

Some other young women would testify to more of this encounters.

I think it’d be a good start into the year 2022 for more young women to understand that every woman has a right to be a woman.

We have that power and we have worth.

Every woman should know her worth and use it beautifully. We are women and we can’t be living in shells, sexy women own their shits.

I asked a schoolmate (girl) who had hideous scars all over her body.

“Why do you still choose to stay with a man who physically abuse and treat you as he wants when you could leave, cause you deserve so much better? It’s definitely not money that’s keeping you (even if it is) and it can’t be good sex (and even if), so why?”

She said nothing. If I hadn’t seen the scars she wouldn’t have discussed her daily face offs with her boyfriend.

Finally she said “he’s my boyfriend, he has every right to hit me when I annoy him”

How pathetic.

No man has a right to hit a woman. Your woman or not.

Women should speak out more often. Know their worth and stop living with vindictive men. For the sake of their own lives and safety!

Feminism helps women – especially young girls understand their rights as humans, as women and why they ought to fight for it.

Some things young women encounter on a daily basis are mostly objectification by men, but due to ignorance they think it’s too small to be recognized as abuse or as objectification

Truth is, these young girls end up being traumatized.

It affects their self esteem and in turn affects their academics, their social lives (relationships), career wise and so on.

If they can learn to speak for themselves they can speak for others and in the future, they can teach their younger ones to be more vocal and confident about being a woman.

Women empower women. Enlightened men can also help educate other men.

We are in this together. It could be your sister tomorrow. Your wife, your daughter… so every person – man or woman, girl or boy should be feminists.

Feminism is spreading a vast strong chain of positive energy amongst young women. If a society has plenty of young energetic, brilliant and confident women, that society is most likely to thrive in anything.

Women are assets and more importantly, treasures!