Zen…

We’re always in search of a larger meaning. Something to provide the answers, someone to persuade us into fully embracing the darkness inside of us .

One of the reasons we prevent ourselves from attaining a certain kind of knowledge is because we are not certain we are ready to let go of the knowledge which has been so familiar to us, we also feel this certain knowledge might envelope us in its web of control and turn us into something terrible. So it’s best to settle for the knowledge which is common and familiar to a lot of people.

However, we still search for an excuse (a justification) to fully succumb to our innermost desires – without self judgment or internal guilt.

There’s always something or someone who is somewhere that can make that uncertainty go away.

It could be a drug, a smoke, a bottle of whiskey or rum. Or it could be a lover, a mistress, a side nigga, a certain man or woman who gives the same exact feeling drugs and weeds or alcohols are meant to give.

Once we find this pain reliever be it a thing or a person, it becomes an addiction and letting go is usually very hard.

It’s like when a man cheats. He wants something new, so he might love his partner but it don’t necessarily mean she’s got the thing he’s looking for or that she can fill the whole inside of him.

But women are different, when a woman cheats she’s certain she’s got exactly what she’s looking for or what she didn’t know had existed (and it’s thrilling) – great sex, better listener and someone who makes her fall in love over and over again. When a woman finds out her man is cheating, she’s new. She’d never be the same again. She might forgive the man…

The man on the other hand, when he finds out his woman has been cheating or cheated, he’s also changed. In a way completely different to how a woman would change, because at that moment he believes his partner is gone for good or was never into him or the relationship. So he can never forgive the partner nor himself, cause he’s the reason that action took place. His manly ego is hurt forever.

So when you’re trying to change someone, you must suppress the urge to judge them. Put yourself in the worst case scenario and see that you will fall shorter than this victim. You may pass excellently if tested with the same thing as the person you claim to be better than – and that’s because it’s not what you deeply desire. If you’re tested with what you deeply yearn for, it can only take a certain amount of Grace or self control to fight and win.

Where I come from, there’s a popular saying – E welu ihe onye na-asa nwaa ya, O ruo O rughi o nalu (if you’re tested with what you cannot refuse or something you deeply desire, whether it’s worth it or not, you’ll indulge yourself).

There’s a fine line between what we think we should want and what we actually want. But do we know what we truly want?

To help someone become a better person, you’ll have to find a way to; figure out the source of this person’s pain, what the uncertainty really is. Provide a solution or an answer (indirectly of course, we humans love conviction), then maybe you’ll have a person who is willing to change completely.

So if I ask you

What do you want from life or what do you desire? What will be your answer?