Zen…

understanding my parents and their upbringing has been essential in understanding myself. I’ve always been curious about their experiences, which have shed light on my own upbringing and behavior patterns.

my dad grew up in a competitive polygamous family, instilling accountability and a strong sense of family in him, and subsequently in us.
my mom, raised in a strict household, and by a single dictator of a father taught us resistance, resilience and the importance of speaking up.

my parents aimed to provide us with everything they themselves lacked:
attention, understanding, bonding, and intimacy. they created a true sense of family, ensuring that no matter what challenges life presented, we could always find solace in our home, our sanctuary. their support and nurturing presence instilled in us a mindset of abundance, where we never felt lacking or alone.

A friend of mine shared something:
“everyone teased me and called me daddy’s girl cause he followed me everywhere. My dad literally woke up everyday by 5/6am to take me to school in my first year!! (it was a 30mins drive) and pick me up after school for a whole month. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do things myself because he is always there to come through, I think people don’t understand how it feels having active parents in your life…its so wholesome and I will be forever grateful for that”

her story resonated deeply with me cause I have parents who would literally move mountains for me.
while I recognize not everyone has this privilege, it’s crucial to understand how parental upbringing shapes us.

the way your parents were raised and how they chose to look at the world because of their background and upbringing can ultimately affect how they raise you. It can have both positive and negative impacts on you

I’m encouraging you today to listen to your parents’ stories about their childhood, their beliefs about religion, sex, and so on. focus on aspects like: whether they felt safe, loved, and supported. what cycles did they try to break? were they successful?

when you listen, and are a part of these conversations, you not only get insight into who they are, but also why you were brought up the way you were, and why you function the way you do.
by understanding the environment in which your parents were raised and the challenges they faced, you can gain a deeper understanding of why they may have parented you in certain ways.

take a look at how your family has been over the generations. recognize that your grandparents and even ancestors further back could have influenced how you were raised and how you act.
understanding this can help you heal by realizing that your upbringing isn’t just about your parents. your grandparents and even great great great grandparents had a part in shaping you too.